You are likely here visiting Fig + Cotton to check out a recipe you found on foodgawker or Pinterest…or maybe you are looking for some entertaining essentials. Today’s post is a bit different, but I hope you will stick around.
Since this blog’s inception, I have not used it as a personal journal. I love to cook and entertain in my home, and Fig + Cotton gave me an outlet to share what I love with you. However, I feel like the content is, at times, a little impersonal and does not represent the “full” me. For instance, I never really told you all the details of the Halloween flood that reeked havoc over my life for the last nine months. I mentioned it a few times, but I haven’t really shared how it affected me. Today is not the day for the flood story, but I do want to start sharing more of me here. I want to start sharing more about my life, my struggles, and my extreme joys.
I hope you are okay with that. I hope I don’t lose you on this post’s fairly long narrative, either.
Since this blog is really centered around one of my main obsessions — cooking for my family and friends — I thought I would start opening up about one of my life-long struggles: my self image, my weight, and my nutrition. All of those three go hand in hand for me.
Ever since middle school, I have always been the girl that is just a bit bigger than all of my friends. While everyone was trading clothes in our teenage years or borrowing homecoming dresses from each other, I was never able to be involved in that. I always had the largest cheerleading uniform (for some reason, that has always stuck with me.) Now, don’t get me wrong. I was not big at all. However, when you are surrounded by 0s and 2s, a 6 can seem daunting.
This issue followed me to college and afterward into my adult life. I have never been able to wear the clothes I have always wanted to wear…not because of my size really, but more because how I perceived myself in those clothes. When I was wedding dress shopping, I distinctly remember not being able to fit into the sample sizes. As I type this, it almost sounds ridiculous. It sounds ridiculous that this kind of thing still consumes me at times since I am so so SO grateful of the wonderful life I have. But, I imagine that many of you reading this have felt this at one point or another.
Then, about 10 years or so ago, I decided to take control of my weight, and I started working out and started the Atkins diet. I lost over 30 pounds. Yes. I lost a lot. I felt — and looked — great. I actually kept most of the weight off for many years…then, I met Mat. Like MANY people do, I got comfortable and started to very slowly gain the weight back. So, here I am again. I have gained all my weight back PLUS some, and I am feeling defeated…again.
This week, I am starting a new chapter in my life where I am taking control of my self image, my weight, and my nutrition. I am actually going to see a nutritionist soon to help figure out the best plan for me to get healthy for the long haul. No quick fixes for me this time. I want to be healthy and strong for Mat and Rex, but I want to be the best version of myself (inside and out)…for me!
So, what does that mean for the blog? Nothing will change, really. You may see that I am cooking more protein and veggies and less complex carbs and dairy; but the level of deliciousness won’t change. Fig + Cotton will not be a diet blog…don’t worry. I also promise to write more personal posts in the future, if you will have them. I want to share more about my journey on getting my health back on track and everything that goes with that…especially the shopping. That is the best part of slimming down a bit, right? But, I am a “normal-sized” woman, and I have no desire to be teeny tiny. I love how a well-styled outfit can make me feel, and I hope that getting back in healthy shape gives me the little confidence boost to share those outfits with you!
Thanks for listening…and I just need to remember:
xox,
erin
You are beautiful at any size but we will all support you in your quest for healthy living! Plus, bonus for us to get protein and veggie centered recipes:)
Although we have only met once during Christmas, your still my cousins wife and I will say that one time I met you i thought you were absolutely gorgeous. I too understand the turmoils of being the big friend in the group, I'm only five feet tall and my body type is heavily curved (not sure if its the European roots). My best friend since childhood slimmed out into the perfect super model figure, I always remember falling for some hot guy and that guy always asking about my best friend. I don't resent her or even my other tall gorgeous friends but I suppose around those times the poisons of myself loathing seemed to seep further into my soul. Last year I went on a very extreme diet consisting of high protein and lots of veggies (even went as far as hiring a personal trainer) I did in fact lose 60 plus pounds but somehow I still found myself comparing myself to other women with completely different body times to mine and would every once in awhile even though I physically felt amazing found myself moderately depressed again. I later realized that my journey wasn't only going to consist of physical change but also emotional, all though years of loathing myself had to be undone. I needed to stop placing such unrealistic expectations on myself to even be able to actually enjoy my body. But alas on such a hard road I ended up pregnant at the beginning of this year and gained a lot back ha-ha, hopefully after Amelia River is born I can somehow get back on track. But I do think your gorgeous and I support you in your journeys. I hope you not only feel physically better but also emotionally. We love and support you.
– Gem